I hung a picture today. Or is it hanged?

Suns and chimes. Can you think of a better combination?

What a beautiful day… Torie is sitting across from me at the kitchen table, painting various dancing figures on a canvas, and I’ve read all morning–a beautiful book called Traveling With Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd and her grown daughter Ann. Twila recommended it and I’m so grateful she did; I’ve been ready for more insightful and soul-enriching books by women, and both of these women are addressing issues that I relate to. I’m definitely moving into a new phase of life: away from feeding people scattered fragments of myself, to welcoming, with warm loving arms, my whole being back into myself. The ensuing wholeness will actually provide me with a real person to give others, not just pieces.

This new phase has surprised me with several changes: I’m not interested in the four horror anthologies stacked on the shelf by the couch, for one. I’ve made a complete turnaround and want to read only en-lightened books. This isn’t a criticism of the horror genre, because I’ve felt very close to God at times while delving into it, as there is a distinct delineation between good and evil inherent to it. I think it’s more that my growing pains were remote before, so I could find comfort in oblique metaphors, whereas recently they’ve come to the forefront and I need direct assistance, pronto. I love how life swirls around. I love the giant cheesy taco supreme of life. I love how some people think that adding fake lemons to plastic greenery is a good idea.

One of the more "avant-garde" bits of decor in our beach suite.

My dreads are combed out and in a few minutes I’ll wash my hair so I can henna it. I always feel drab with my roots showing. I’m letting the idea for a job, and possible new occupation, simmer in me this week… Writing just isn’t working for me. I don’t know if it’s about timing, or that I need to find a new story because my old one, the one I’ve reworked and revisited for six years, is now tired and old, or what. All I know is that whenever I’ve sat down to work on it, apart from the initial read-through a couple weeks ago, I’ve felt bored. It’s that initial read-through that makes me wonder, though… I laughed a lot while reading my own stuff, and delighted at several sparkling turns of phrase, and actually held my breath in wonder at one of the suspenseful spots. So, I don’t know. I feel a little discouraged that I don’t know. But good grief, what am I, some kind of exception to humanity? No. Most people feel that way. The beefy burrito of life and all that.

I’m hungry.

Ah, Martin. Will the world ever know you as I do?

Jess just called and asked if Torie and I want to come over later and help him with dinner. That request fills me with love for him. He’s staying with my parents, because our Spare Oom is taken up with Torie at the moment, until he can find a job and settle into his own place. Or decide on some other major life plan.

Our little cedar grove. Not to be confused with china grove, probably.

I’m struck this morning by how soft a place this is for me to have landed in… not just geographically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually… all those great “ally”s. Right this minute, while I gaze out the kitchen window at the moss-covered lawn, and the huge twisting cedars knotted together in the tiny cove outside our patio door, to the blue sky barely visible between their fir-feathered branches, I feel that contentment far outweighs my heartaches and confusions, and everything is going to be perfectly a-okay. I’ll save my bout of crying for later this afternoon. Such is life. Love! xo

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15 Comments

Filed under Fambly, Hope, Old women, Stuff to read, Woo-woo

15 responses to “I hung a picture today. Or is it hanged?

  1. Rod

    Dearest Kelly, I did not know you had a new blog either until I saw FB today. I went and read everything. Ruth Ann and I would like to get together with you and Scott for dinner. When would be good for you all? We could grill together at our place or whatever you want, we just want to see you. Sounds kinda desperate though doesn’t it.

  2. Let me talk to Scott, and I’ll let you know, okay? It’s hard to get together with people because of his work schedule, especially when we don’t see family as much as we should, either. But we’ll see what we can work out. I’m glad you finally tripped over my blog! It’s nice to see you here! Also, I linked to Readerman. :)

  3. I love the green-ness of this theme. I thought it would be too much when I first saw it at wordpress, but it is really cheerful!

    I’m so glad you love the book. That is fantastic! I liked it very much. I think I gave it 4 stars on goodreads. Not much time for reading for me right now. Too much reading for school. I AM reading devotionally, though. Got into that habit 2 decades ago and losing my faith didn’t budge it. Right now it is one of my 5 star goodies, Buddhism without Beliefs. It rocks hard. Presents the ethics, process and philosophy of Buddhism as a life map, not a religion. I guess I would have to classify myself as a buddhist agnostic. Although, maybe not. I prefer a more syncretic approach. A little of this, a pinch of that. But right now, I am finding much to nourish and guide me in buddhism.

    I love the pictures!!! I think I’ll start taking pics at my place, too. It is fun to see your home and yard. And beach-side plastic lemons.

    Has Martin met any of your friends or any editors? Some fresh eyes might take the ho-hum out of the equation.

    • I’ve generally stuck with devotional reading of some sort all my life, but unlike you, when I lost my faith I kind of let it go by the wayside. Though, now that I think about it, I did read books like the Joy Diet by Martha Beck, and several by M. Scott Peck (hee, apparently only books by authors whose surnames rhyme; are we sensing a theme?). I would LOVE to read Buddhism Without Beliefs and am going to look for it immediately. I’m very intrigued by Buddhism, but again like you, have no interest in adhering to a religion again. I want to pick and choose what works for me from a variety of places. Reading Traveling With Pomegranates has wakened in me a desire to seek a feminine form of God… I’ve thought of that several times over the years, but it’s stronger in me now. Just yesterday I had a sudden influx of Athena information come my way: stuff like, her virginity, connoting autonomy from men and perfect wholeness within herself, the owl as her emblem (I adore owls, and even named my computer after Archimedes, the little owl in the Once and Future King), even down to a facebook test I took that told me my goddess was Athena… I think that’s very interesting. But I’m still very much sitting back to see what happens, which dots I can connect, with everything that comes my way. I’m in no hurry. That’s a good feeling.

      A couple friends have read bits of Martin and I’ve gotten positive feedback, and more importantly (to me), I really really love Martin and his family and the other characters in his life. I’m just not sure where the story is supposed to go at this point. I started it six years ago, when I was in a very different place in all those “ally” ways… So I’m not sure. Today I came across the beginning of another story I’d written a few months ago and absolutely loved it, and I might be able to continue that. I don’t know… I’m pondering things. Isn’t it awesome how life doesn’t have to get boring? Here I am pondering, and here you are in school… Life is fantastically ripe with opportunities.

      Oh, and guess what? I ate my first pomegranate today! My mom just HAPPENED to have one sitting on her kitchen counter, left over from when my son’s fiancee (who is a beautiful, part-Greek, fascinating, bone-throwing young woman) had bought it during her last visit. It was so delicious, and I was so starving for it, that I practically sucked it down without taking a breath. Awesome, huh? xo

  4. Christine

    I just finished reading “The Secret Life of Bees” last night and loved it! Didn’t pick it up for a long time, because I read (tried to read) one of her other books that had a lot of issues and anger and negativity about being a woman that I just didn’t have to deal with, in my own experience ~ nor did I want to pick it up from someone else. Anger ~ the great de-beautifier of all time.

    My lovely, radiant not-angry-at-all e-friend, Silky has mentioned “Pomegranates” often, having met the two authors and attended a discussion of the book. I’ve been getting into the Divine Feminine (heck, I Favorited the clip on youtube of the ending of “Da Vinci Code”, it gave me such thrills!), so this book sounds like a winner to me~ I’ll be delving into it, soon, thanks for mentioning it!

    You might like to dip into Denise Linn’s “Secrets and Mysteries: The Glory and Pleasure of Being a Woman” ~ doesn’t that sound deliciously scandalous? I’ve only read about halfway through it, so far, because I’ve been savoring it like chocolate melting slowly on my tongue. It’s nice to have a sort of handbook on the Goddess side of Heaven! If you meet up with any other books on it, do please talk about it here~ along with hair and movies.
    :D

    Wonderful to hear you’re in a contented state of BEing! Let it flow~~~

    • Chrissy, you’re awesome! You are definitely one of my bone-throwing women, and have been since I’ve known you. I’m so blessed to have e-women who can understand right where I’m coming from. I haven’t read The Secret Life of Bees because I don’t like feeling pushed into reading something because everyone else is, and also, it seemed too touchy-feely for me at the time it was published. Now I think I’m ready for it, especially after reading Pomegranates. I have the Divine Dance of the Dissident Daughter waiting for me at the library, and I’m very excited about that. I’ll check out the book you recommended, too. I want to read SCADS of books about the divine feminine right now. It is totally 100% where I’m at, and I want to grab that ball (ha ha, no) and run with it. Apparently, she used to be a Christian devotional-type writer, so I’m wondering if you read one of her books from that era? She might have been angry because she was kicking against the goads and didn’t know it yet? Just a guess.

      I’ll be talking about this a ton here, especially with the great feedback I’m getting from you guys. I need it! kiss!

      • Christine

        Gulp. Well, actually, Kellster-o’-my-heart, it was “Dance of the Dissident Daughter” that was so negative to me!
        Heh.
        But you go ahead and read it, you could totally NOT feel that, from the book! It might be just the thing for you to close up any aching pits of inadequacy you might be feeling when it comes to embracing being a feminine woman in the aftermath of the bra-burning era!

  5. Christine

    PS: After my comment about anger being baaad, I like how WordPress has given me a “photo” of a strikingly-ticked-off-looking alien thingie with red lipstick on! Hahahaha!

    • And that’s HILARIOUS! haha!!!

      Oh, and a-thankya for permission to be a cougar. I like cougars. Cougars got power. You know my favorite cougar right now? Except she’s more just powerful than cougarish… Glenn Close’s character in Damages. LOVE HER. Maybe I can move gracefully (or clunkily, as long as I’m moving) from sexy young woman to sexy old woman? That would be interesting. Ooh, I love being a woman. A woman who isn’t mad at men anymore. A new feminist! It’s glorious!

  6. Christine

    Another PS, and then I’ll shut right up, ‘k? : You can be as cougar as you wanna be!

  7. You know, I WONDERED that, since I hadn’t read it, and since it has the word “Dissident” in the title… hee. Also, I’m not sure where you’re at regarding Christianity, and I believe she was explaining her process of walking away from it in the book, right? And I remember when I was walking away, oh lawdy, I was furious, and I’m sure that anger influenced my every thought for awhile. Anyway, it is really super interesting that we see things according to where we are at the time they come into our lives. I think I’ll be okay with the subject matter now that I’m no longer mad at men and don’t think about church anymore so I’m distanced from it. (Not that that was your reason for disliking the book; it just would have been mine.)

    • Christine

      Kellster, I’m not in any organized religion, I don’t go to any church services. I still ♥ Jesus, he’s proven his worth to me, but in my spiritual life, I have what I call, “Liquid Church”~ meaning, it’s fluid and changes according to my needs and wants, my aim being to get as close to God as I can. Christianity, well~ um, I ♥ Jesus, and that’s about it.
      I read the book from a mindset of empowerment, actually!

      I haven’t been treated like I was less-than because I’m female, it just didn’t happen. And by the time I started reading “DoDD”, I’d gotten pretty fed up with angry women fussing about how men limit them. Oprah once said that she never felt held back because she was black or female. I’m not black, but I’m female~ and it’s NEVER held me back.

      STand up and say it with me! ~ “I am not a victim~ to anger, to men, to nuthin!”

      I’m into the Law of Attraction (how do you think I won my ipod, won an ipod doc, won $50 in the space of 2 hours, won an ipod touch, get free repairs, find killer parking spaces, etc.?) and I believe that WE limit us, our faith or lack thereof is what shapes our lives~ not other people’s power (like in the film, Labyrinth when she tells him, “you have no power over me!”).

      • heh, Well, I’ve pretty much gotten over my need to shout that I’m no longer a victim, but I definitely could have used the encouragement several years ago. I’ve been reading Dissident Daughter for the past couple days and absolutely love it. I haven’t noticed any lingering anger on the part of the author; simply that she was expressing what she had felt at one time, which from my previous experience, chimes exactly with what I had felt as well. But you’re extremely lucky that you never experienced any patriarchal suppression, or at least haven’t seemed to suffer from the effects of it. That’s great!

        At this point the Law of Attraction seems like magical thinking to me, but I’m not discounting it just because I don’t understand it… I have a long way to go before I truly believe in sixth-sense kind of power, or even power from God, in whom I’m only now, again, beginning to believe. But if it works for you, then awesome! Maybe someday it will work for me, too. In the meantime, it really IS amazing exploring our personal power. kiss!

  8. Kells, I DID read some of SMK’s devotional books when I was deeply invested in the whole idea of being a submissive wife and quietly passionate woman of God. They were sweet. When Secret Life of Bees came out, I had no idea it was popular, I just recognized her name and was interested in a christian devotional writer putting out a non-christian-label novel. I was very pleased…really liked the book a lot, although I must admit to being disappointed with Mermaid’s Chair, her 2nd novel. It was pretty good, but not like the first.

    Anyway, I came upon Dissident Daughter by accident again…at just the right time for me. I was kicking and screaming my way out of the box I’d put myself in and the emotional energy I got from the book was like water in the desert. I didn’t really get any negativity about being a woman…some anger at the treatment of women in patriarchal cultures, of which ours is one, perhaps. That was helpful to me. Sometimes things are so subtle, or we are so very used to it, that it can be hard to see. Any who, you’ll soon be finding out if this book is of any use to you at all at this stage, where you are in your life.

    • I think the problem is I started with the Mermaid’s Chair, which I found incredibly self-indulgent or something (I can’t remember). I actually hated it, and tossed it back on the library pile in disgust, so I wasn’t at all inclined to read Secret Life of Bees, even though I’d heard good reports. A lot of times I find that while I love the memoirs and non-fiction of particular writers, I can’t stand their fiction. I don’t know why that is, honestly. But I am going to try Bees. And I LOVE DISSIDENT DAUGHTER. It’s not exactly where I’m at anymore, but as she said in the intro, hopefully there will be aspects that touch women at every stage in their journey. I’m really glad I’m no longer hating on male anything. I feel distanced enough to be philosophical about it now. It’s nice to dive into the feminine divine without anger. It doesn’t feel like a reaction, but a natural progression.

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