I wannabe a Bronte

Even though I’m nowhere near Catholic, yesterday I briefly considered fasting Facebook and my blog for Lent. This was while I was happily and slowly doing the dishes, and sweeping the kitchen, and straightening this and that, and it was sunny outside, and I was humming absently as my thoughts meandered where they would and little singing birdies flew around my head, helping me with the housework. I figured that fasting social networks would give me oodles and kaboodles of extra time in which to work on my book, and while this is undoubtedly true, I sat down at my computer and thought, well, Fuck It. I’m so glad I did. Right after that, I checked Facebook and found an incredibly loving and unexpected message from a friend, when I didn’t deserve it. Being loved is good, but being loved when you don’t deserve it is like magic.

If you love someone, let them know. They'll share your letter with the world.

I also ended up looking remarkably like Christian Bale. I know, right?

I approve of fasting. It’s possibly the one religious form, apart from meditation, lighting candles, and the Church of Elvis, that I consider worthwhile, having had some experience of it in my past life as a church girl. One time I lived on only clear broth and fresh veggie juice for 40 days. Obviously, I lost about a million pounds, a nice plus (or subtraction), but even in other ways the experience was great. After the first week I wasn’t really hungry anymore, or distracted by hunger. I felt clear and attuned to my surroundings, and had vivid dreams. Near the end of the 40 days I began feeling a bit scattered and knew it was time to start eating again, before my body began cannibalizing itself, but overall, I’m very glad I did it. And now I’m thoroughly bored with the subject and can’t even remember why I brought it up. Oh yeah, Lent, which doesn’t pertain to me! Let’s move on.

So, the past few days I’ve been working diligently on my book, and as a result, am once again developing a sense of purpose and my depression is abating. I was worried about myself for awhile there because I felt that I might never, ever, find anything meaningful to do — meaningful for me, of course. I just had no idea. But writing feels meaningful, and the very nicest part of all is that suddenly it’s no longer a burden but a pleasure. I’ve been waking up excited to get to my book. Another wonderful and encouraging realization I’ve had is that there have been, and still are, many many oddballs like me out there in the world. I’ve been reading about them. Right now I’m in the middle of a Charlotte Bronte biography, and have on the docket biographies on (or about?) Lewis Carroll and Tennessee Williams. These people were weird people, people, but I think they’re my tribe, and knowing even a little bit about them is helping me love myself, which is saving my everlovin bacon. Writing in one form or another has always been my buffer against life, which for the most part seems impossible to navigate through. It feels good to direct my words into an avenue that could eventually, and hopefully, yield a little cash. But even if I’m a failure as a novelist, I’ll still die happy knowing I tried. My first goal is to finish writing this kids’ book! And that’s what I’m going to get back to right now. Have a great weekend, all. Love! xo

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9 Comments

Filed under Hope

9 responses to “I wannabe a Bronte

  1. Christine

    You can always self-publish (there are companies online that do that, I’ve got friends who have done it), and go around to all the events in your area, hawking your book! Wouldn’t that be cool? I have a friend who actually ended up with a children’s book on the NYTimes Bestseller list, after doing the self-promo thing for a couple of years! I think she started out self-published, too….

    “everlovin bacon”….mmmmm bacoooooon! I fried up some, just last night! I sniffed appreciatively as it sizzled and filled the air with that wonderful, bacony, bad-for-you aroma, you know the one~ and felt sorry for all the vegetarians in the world.

    Great good luck and wise old Kentucky Crone blessings on your book, Kellens!

    • Oh heavens to godfrey NO, hawking my book at events sounds horrifying in the extreme. I’m not at all against self-publishing if the other kind doesn’t work out, and would definitely consider it just to have a book of my own to hold in my hands and pass down to my kids. I would like to sell what I write, but I’m not thinking about the publishing question yet since I haven’t even finished one book. At this point I’m only a wannabe writer. If I try to consider all the facets of the writer’s occupation I’ll switch into overwhelm and fall on the floor, curled in a fetal position. I just need to do the writing part! :)

      Yeah, ymmmm, bacon. It’s the candy of meats. And thank you for your Kentucky Crone blessings. xo

  2. Harlequin

    I LOVE tennessee williams!

    • I wrote a couple papers on the Glass Menagerie in school and came to love him, too! Do you know he choked to death on a medicine bottle? I mean, the bottle ITSELF? So goes the legend, anyway. I’ll find out if it’s true once I reach the end of the book.

  3. If you do self-publish remember to ask your local library if they would like to buy some copies. We buy pretty much any and all Irish author’s, and a copy for Local studies if they happen to be local. It ain’t much, but it means you have a much greater chance of being read.

    For Lent I’m giving up nothing. It is a sacrifice. I may struggle. But I’ll try my best… and then with the Easter eggs! Yay!

    Also that pic of Christian Bale is so scary isn’t it?

    • What pic of Christian Bale? (hee. I KNOW!)

      That’s a great idea, Fence! Self-publishing is becoming such a huge market (so to speak) that there’s even an entire program available in book-making at one of Portland’s art colleges. I’m pretty sure our library would at least consider it. I can always sell books from the back of my car too, along with the drugs.

      Hey, we’ll give up nothing for Lent together! That way we can be moral support to each other during this very difficult time until Feaster.

  4. Wow. Glad to hear you are back in love with your book. And as far as Lent? I briefly thought about giving up my New Year’s resolution, but changed my mind and decided to give up Lent instead.

    • hee! You and Fence and I can moral-support each other. As long as we don’t moral-majority, we’ll be okay. Maybe we should make a New Year’s Resolution each year to give up Lent?

      • I’m sorry, I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions (henceforth NYR) either. You see, one day, in the far off past I made a NYR not to make any more NYR, so you see if I do make a new NYR then that NYR will have been shattered, and if I could shatter one NYR surely I would shatter all!
        It cannot stand! I shall never more make a NYR and in the not doing so shall keep that long ago NYR.

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