But I just might be your man.

Okay, let me just say, that THE number one best movie to make a more “mature” woman feel great is I Could Never Be Your Woman, starring the gorgeous but older Michelle Pfeiffer and the goofy-cute and hilarious but younger Paul Rudd who loves her. Torie’s watching it right now so it’s fresh on my mind. Another good one is the classic Harold and Maude. Who could not love Ruth Gordon, seriously, even if you ARE a teenaged boy?

Seriously, see this movie.

Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it’s already March. My favorite day of the year has always been March 4th because of, you know, “March Forth,” and it is still my favorite because once again it’s applicable. I am most definitely heading into a new phase in my life. There are lots of reasons for this but I’ve been made conscious of some of them thanks to Martha Beck and her book Finding Your Own North Star. One of the exercises she has her readers do is to check “yes” on the statements they believe are true about themselves. These are the statements:

1- I’m a natural-born winner; always was, always will be.

2- The world is full of people who would love to be my friends.

3- I’ll always have plenty of money.

4- I deserve a life full of joy and fulfillment.

5- I’m physically beautiful, and I always will be.

6- I can be wildly successful at my chosen career.

7- I have an amazingly capable brain.

8- I’m perfectly lovable exactly as I am.

9- I’m highly creative by nature.

10- My dreams are in the process of coming true.

To my complete and utter astonishment, I marked “yes” on every single one of these statements, because as I was reading through them I realized that I really DO believe these things about myself. So what went wrong all those many, many years ago to make me live my life as if I believed something different? At some point I began listening to another message that made me so depressed that several times during my adult life I have considered suicide, and I think I know when it first happened. I’ve known it all along.

But another thing I’m learning to do, again thanks to Martha, is listen to my body, and peeps, my body doesn’t want me to talk about this right now. It’s not good timing. So I won’t. And now I feel better.

So, how about that earthquake in Chile?

My body is letting me say that it feels I’m back on course. I know some religious traditions say you can never get off course, and that everything that happens happens for a reason, etc., but I don’t believe that. I’ve been fundamentally unhappy for so long. Is that good? In one word: NO. So I’m delighted, and I do not say this lightly – DELIGHTED – to finally feel clear and course-corrected. It’s an amazing feeling, an amazing sensation, to listen carefully to myself and do whatever I’m telling me to do – and moreover, to trust what I’m sensing. There’s just nothing like it. Part of me is afraid it won’t last, and that once I’m no longer reading this helpful book I’ll forget. But I can’t worry about that. Today is today and that’s all I can be responsible for. And now this choking sensation in my throat is saying, “You’re afraid you may be wrong or that you’ve said too much. At any rate, that’s enough for today, sweetie.” Awesome. Thank you, throat.

Hey, I think you guys and your throats are awesome, too. Love! xo

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4 Comments

Filed under Hope, Small blue box, Woo-woo

4 responses to “But I just might be your man.

  1. Rod

    love you and your insights, too. Oh and your husband.

  2. Christine

    When I started replacing negative thoughts about myself with positive ones, everything changed dramatically for the better (this is so cool, I want to tell EVERYONE to do this~ even with my throat wanting to worry that I’m jinxing myself or something, by sharing this with others).
    But as you say, I can’t worry about that, I’ve only got today in my hands.
    I’ve always had self-respect, but self-love is different, I didn’t really know how to do that. So, this is exciting, and I’m thrilled to see you on your better path, too!

    • The things we tell ourselves are SO freaking important, aren’t they? I’ve said the most horrifying things to myself in the mirror, right to my face… and now I’m remembering the scene in What the Bleep Do I Know? where Marlee Matlin is doing the same thing and then we’re shown how her body chemistry subsequently begins changing in extremely hurtful ways. We really do feel better when we’re kinder to ourselves. Unfortunately, I keep forgetting this. sigh. But I want to forgive myself for forgetting! And today I do. Thanks for the encouragement, Chrissy! xo

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