Wow, I just really super haven’t felt like writing lately because I don’t think I have much to say. I’m kind of enjoying life as it comes, I guess, and also, I write copiously in either my hardcopy leather journal or my computer sublimations every day and that seems to be enough. At the moment I’m waiting for Torie to get out of the shower so I can take one. We just had a tremendous walk around the neighborhood, and crossed the main road to get to another far ritzier neighborhood, where we discovered a secret woodland trail. We think the developer must have been drunk or something because the whole thing feels a little off, but it was still a bracing and invigorating walk that left me smelly and pitted=which equals win, obviously.
There, I’ve showered and you didn’t even know it, did you? Sneaky. I fear you are underestimating my sneakiness.
While I was in the shower, suddenly the lights went off and I was showering in the dark. After a nanosecond of WTF neurotransmitters flooding my brain, I realized that it was because Torie had tried to blowdry her hair in her room, which always trips the fuse. As the day has gotten a little older, four hours older since I woke at 4am, my serenity has begun to fray a bit, but that’s just life. We’ll head out to church in a couple hours and then over to my mom’s for Mother’s Fray. She and I are sarcastic and dismissive of the holiday because we both fear the same amount of expectation-inducing pain, so we’ll simultaneously snipe about how annoying it is while sneaking peeks at each other to gauge the Love. Hopefully, she will be underestimating my sneakiness in this regard, because heaven forbid she see how vulnerable I really am.
Just kidding. I’m in a weird mood today. Don’t mind me.
Actually, I’m in a very good mood and have been for awhile now. Obviously, like everyone else, I have my days of horror and suicidal mayhem (what do you mean, you don’t have those days? does. not. compute) but overall, I’ve seemed to settle into something resembling peace. If I stray too far away from working at it, however, I get a little crazy. I have to have a help book on hand. I just finished Emotional Freedom by Judith Orloff and am going to start Anatomy of the Spirit by Carolyn Myss next. These are my lifelines, literally filling me with hope after reading only a couple sentences. Uncanny. Also, having a church to go to is making a tremendous difference to me. I stinking love this new church, and it makes me happy to love it. I’m trying to build a community for myself because my greatest fear in the entire universal world is being old and alone. It makes me happy to even just sit in the chairs amongst strangers who are learning about love, just like I am, even if I’m not ready to join them for coffee in the basement afterward. That will come later.
So anyway, ramble ramble. Time for me to go trip the fuse myself while I dry my hair. I love you all, all two of you and the spammers. Peace out! xo