There’s always so much going on in our lives at once, isn’t there? An intricate weaving of this thread and that. One of the threads I’ve been pulling at lately has been a particularly worrisome one: I’ve been losing the sight in my right eye. Because there’s a history of macular degeneration in my family, I’ve been very scared that that’s what I’m dealing with, but just this morning I impulsively decided to Google the phrase “eye wrinkle distortion” because these were the only words I could remember my eye doctor using in reference to my condition, a couple years ago. I found a wonderful article describing something called a “macular pucker,” which has nothing to do with the above disease, and which – while still no picnic – is, as far as prospects go, a sight better than what I’d been anticipating. Here’s a paragraph describing it:
“The most common symptom of a macular pucker is vision loss. Vision loss from a macular pucker can vary from no loss to severe loss. Severe vision loss is uncommon. Blurry vision, mildly distorted, and straight lines that appear wavy are also common symptoms. The individual may also have difficulty in seeing fine detail and reading small print. There may be a gray area in the center of your vision, or perhaps even a blind spot.”
Wow, that’s me perfectly, and it hearkens me back to that conversation with my doctor. He said it is correctable by surgery, but the surgery is completely out of my reach without insurance, so that’s a no-go. Still, it’s nice to know that at least it’s an option. The article went on to say that it generally only occurs in one eye, although – gulp – it can move to the other eye eventually. If that were to happen, I wouldn’t be able to see to do things I really love, such as read or write or watch TV series, and I wouldn’t be able to drive. It’s scary to contemplate. (To test yourself.)
But yesterday my mom dropped by unexpectedly with lots of chocolate and smiles and hugs, and a SAD lamp to combat all this dreary rain, and we sat and talked for awhile. She lost her left eye to cancer a few years ago, and I often, often, think of her whenever I start feeling sorry for myself, because she functions almost as well as she ever did when she was fully-sighted. It was good to discuss our mutual terror at losing our sight, however; it’s always good to have someone to share our fears with, as long as they aren’t mired in negativity over them. And my mom isn’t; she’s a very positive person. She brought me a SAD lamp! Yes! Which I’ll use this morning for an half-hour or so. I’ll bet Horatio will love it too, if he can manage to keep from knocking it off the table.
Anyway, a little shallow moment. I watched the first disc of In Treatment, Gabriel Byrne’s show, and absolutely freaking loved it. I’ve had a celebrity crush on him for forever, but have never given too much credit to his actual acting. My bad, however, because this time around I’m really very impressed by his portrayal of a psychotherapist (with problems of his own, of course, because what kind of self-respecting HBO drama would neglect that angle?). In fact, during his scenes I’m absolutely riveted by his face, he’s just that believable. I adore good acting and get almost rabid (breathe, Kelly, breathe) when I’m subjected to the bad variety. This show is wonderful: nearly perfectly-acted and scripted and the dialogue is so real that you forget you’re watching TV. Another excellent series to add to my list!
Also, major funness ahead: I’m going over to visit with my lovely friend Lorraine today! And with that, love to you all. kiss!