I hope no alcoholics are reading this, because far be it from me to send anyone over the edge or to another AA meeting, but I’ve just had two rum-and-cokes and am feeling pretty good about now. I also had two pieces of veggie gourmet pizza, and watched Whip It! while we ate. I loved that movie. It’s been a great evening. Jess is here, too. I’m watching So You Think You Can Dance? while I write this. Oh wait, commercials are over so I’ll be right back.
I’ll just wait until the show is over. I’m too distracted.
Okay. Today was interesting. I was struggling very much with a deep sense of loss for a couple of reasons, but instead of heading for my books or meditation each time it hurt, I called or emailed friends. To my great surprise and pleasure, I totted up the number of people I had significant interactions with today, and there were eleven. If you had asked me for an offhand answer regarding how many people I had in my life to contact like that, I would have said, “Uh, two?” I was so wrong! And there are even others I’m thinking of now.
A friend had told me recently that he felt I should turn to friends, family, community, and outside interests instead of introspection and books, and today was my attempt to do what he suggested as an experiment, to see if he was right. You know what was interesting about it, though? As much as I loved, and I mean loved, talking with my friends and family, and it really was a boost, the result wasn’t much different from when I run to books and meditation. In fact, I actually felt as if I were circling around the center of something and couldn’t, somehow, land in the core.
Which tells me one thing: that I truly do find my best fulfillment in that inside circle of me, in the middle of myself (that’s what she said, hee). I feel happy knowing that so many people love me, but it’s awesome to know that I really can take care of myself, provide for myself, too. This is a big deal for me, as it’s something I struggle with in practical life, with money and other physical provisions. But that’s changing as well, as I plan to start school soon for a specific occupation.
I love these learning kinds of days. I mean, I don’t exactly love them, but I am entirely grateful for them. Love to you all. kiss!