Guess what we’re watching now

Come and play with us, Kelly

I hope no alcoholics are reading this, because far be it from me to send anyone over the edge or to another AA meeting, but I’ve just had two rum-and-cokes and am feeling pretty good about now. I also had two pieces of veggie gourmet pizza, and watched Whip It! while we ate. I loved that movie. It’s been a great evening. Jess is here, too. I’m watching So You Think You Can Dance? while I write this. Oh wait, commercials are over so I’ll be right back.

I’ll just wait until the show is over. I’m too distracted.

Okay. Today was interesting. I was struggling very much with a deep sense of loss for a couple of reasons, but instead of heading for my books or meditation each time it hurt, I called or emailed friends. To my great surprise and pleasure, I totted up the number of people I had significant interactions with today, and there were eleven. If you had asked me for an offhand answer regarding how many people I had in my life to contact like that, I would have said, “Uh, two?” I was so wrong! And there are even others I’m thinking of now.

A friend had told me recently that he felt I should turn to friends, family, community, and outside interests instead of introspection and books, and today was my attempt to do what he suggested as an experiment, to see if he was right. You know what was interesting about it, though? As much as I loved, and I mean loved, talking with my friends and family, and it really was a boost, the result wasn’t much different from when I run to books and meditation. In fact, I actually felt as if I were circling around the center of something and couldn’t, somehow, land in the core.

Which tells me one thing: that I truly do find my best fulfillment in that inside circle of me, in the middle of myself (that’s what she said, hee). I feel happy knowing that so many people love me, but it’s awesome to know that I really can take care of myself, provide for myself, too. This is a big deal for me, as it’s something I struggle with in practical life, with money and other physical provisions. But that’s changing as well, as I plan to start school soon for a specific occupation.

I love these learning kinds of days. I mean, I don’t exactly love them, but I am entirely grateful for them. Love to you all. kiss!

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5 Comments

Filed under Fambly, Hope, Small blue box, Tipsy, Woo-woo

5 responses to “Guess what we’re watching now

  1. I loved Whip it! too, great great film. Such fun.

    I think the best sort of introspection is after talking to friends. Sometimes it helps to have outside viewpoints, but you need to be able to figure stuff out for yourself. No amount of someone saying X will make you think that unless you come to see that yourself. And sometimes you never will, you’ll continue to think Y.

    • I was thinking this morning about how ironic yesterday’s post was because today fucking sucks. I’m sick, my son and his fiancee broke up, it’s raining, other things, I’m sick, everybody’s quiet, rain, I’m sick… sigh.

      BUT, tomorrow will be better, barring anything worse. And I think you’re right about friends… I think we almost always know what we want, deep down inside, even if we don’t think we do, and it takes a bunch of friends telling us their opinions to cement our own. More than anything, though, it’s nice that people care enough about us to be there to talk when we need to.

      Whip It! I love Kristen Wiig.

  2. Oh no! That’s really sad about your son. I hope he is doing okay.

    Yeah, we need people to validate us just as much as we need them to slap us upside the head when we’re being ridiculous (which we also really know, deep down).

    • Van came over last night for a little while, and he seems to be doing okay. Not great of course, since they were together for three years, not to mention actually engaged, but okay. They’re just so different, and have entirely different sets of needs and desires and approaches to life. They’d tried to make it work for a long time after it had stopped working, but just got to the breaking point and could no longer adjust. I feel bad for both of them.

      I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about relationships and the ins and outs and arounds of them, but one thing IS for certain sure: we definitely need our peeps to both validate and slap us around. :)

  3. :( That’s so sad, but at least they both get to move on now, and hopefully find what does work for them.

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