Unless you’re a baby, there’s little less fetching than a blue tongue and a mouth full of teeth covered in blueberry bits, and there’s little more irritating than a person who wants to write and has nothing of importance to say. Of course, both are exaggerations since there are a million things more or less fetching or irritating than these, but since they’re my immediate experience, they’re what you get. I’m sorry. My blueberry morning smoothie was delicious, but I fear that some of it may have gone up the wrong tube and affected my brain. It’s happened before. Unfortunately, they don’t make dental floss for brains. Nooo such thing as the mental floss.
I’m still not dressed this morning. I know I live my life so very differently from how many live their lives, and vive la difference… since nobody’s life is like anybody else’s anyway. I’ve decided that for this phase in my life – because I don’t know if you’ve noticed this about yours, but mine goes in phases – I’m going to spend all morning from the wees until around noon pursuing God. When I say “pursuing God” I mean thinking and speaking all the stuff I can in order to real-ize myself in this world, which in turn real-izes him in this world. I remember way back, when I was around 34 or so… maybe a little older… an acquaintance asked me, out of the blue, “What do you think is your purpose in life?” I was brought up short because I didn’t know. I hemmed and hawed and gave the standard answer at the time: “To serve God and give him the glory” (or something similar), but I wasn’t too sure about that. It felt somehow incomplete. Now I know what my purpose is. It’s to see the best and highest kind of person I am, and then do everything in my power to BE it. I’ve decided that for me that means to absolutely glow with love – radiate and express it in as many ways possible, to as many people and in as many circumstances as I can, and when I fail to do so to get back up and try it again, until it’s automatic and everybody feels it, all around me, all the time. This is God in me, and this is me in God. I’ve been kickstarted into this discovery recently via a couple of major challenges, which I’m very thankful for because they’ve conveyed me to where I am today, right at this moment. Even pain can produce joy, if we want it to. In fact, if we didn’t have the experience of pain, we wouldn’t even know what joy was – we need relativity, polarization, everything ‘negative’, in order to experience all that’s positive: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control (did I forget any?). So I’m grateful for pain, my great teacher. (ETA: I forgot ‘goodness.’ :)
And my afternoons will be spent actualizing my morning’s thoughts and words, as I venture out to interact with people, especially my mom and her other caregivers. My shift with her is Tues-Fri afternoons, 2-6, although I’m also a rover who’ll show up when necessary at other times. Thinking, speaking, doing… realizing myself, and feeling God’s love inside of me as I do it. It’s the best feeling ever. Love isn’t only a concept; it’s truly meant to be experienced, to be felt, to be given freely and without fear. I aim for that. I Am that, blueberry teeth and all. And so are you! Love you! xo