Rainy, no-brainy day

What a lovely, cool, almost-rainy morning. I love Sundays. I remember a time in the not-so-distant-past when they were harried and nerve-wracking, as we had to rise early and get ourselves and the kids ready and breakfasted (sometimes) and then head to church for practice and then service and then breaking down equipment and finally getting home sometime late afternoon, starving, to crash in a heap. I pretty much grew up with that, too. Yes, I’m happy my Sundays are now true days of rest. It’s 10:30 and I’m still in my jammies.

I read for awhile this morning – Tolle’s A New Earth, and Sogyol Rinpoche’s The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying – and then answered and sent a lot of messages and emails. It felt good to connect with people and to feel the love that emanated from their words to me, and it felt good to express my love back to them. I’m taking a break from that now (except I hope you feel loved, reading this). Scott’s watching a football game in the living room, Torie’s in the shower, and when the library opens at 1 pm we’ll all head over there to choose a couple movies to watch while we eat pizza for lunch. I’m thinking of stopping by Freddy’s to get some soft sagey green and chocolate brown paint so I can finally finish the small screen I made to hide the electronics on one of the bookshelves. That will be my creative project for the day. My other creative project will be trying to hide the flaky wrinkled spots under my eyes from allergies! Although, thankfully, I finally got some Clariton and took it last night; my eyes are already noticeably better, and they no longer itch, so win! Win-win-win!

Which reminds me… Last night, after Torie went to bed, I heard the familiar refrains of The Office’s theme song coming from her room and remembered that the new season had premiered this week! So I went and lay on her bed in the dark with her and we watched the show and laughed together. We have only a tiny-tiny handful of those moments left, at least during this time in our lives, because she leaves in the wees on Tuesday for North Carolina, where she’s going to live. I’m okay with it now – except for the inevitable tears that will fall – but I’m looking forward to this next phase in my life, as well as the next phase in her life. Both these phases necessitate our physical separation, though Jesse’s going to give me his old web cam so she and I can Skype, and we’re both signed up on Gmail chat. We’re ready, baby.

A couple days ago, while I was lying on the couch after reading one of my nourishing books, and looking around the room without any thought, I suddenly felt deep down inside, in my deepest of down-insides, that I was going to live forever. I’ve been feeling for quite awhile now that my time here is short. The life-line on my palm goes to only 50. You know, that sort of thing. But as I lay there on the couch, looking at the clock and the warm golden light pouring in from the window, I knew without a shadow that I was eternal. I felt that even if I were to die that night, or in another 46 years, it didn’t matter. My essential I goes on forever. You’d think, after having grown up in the Christian faith, that that would be a no-brainer. But the problem was that it was only an idea, not an experience; I had never really felt it, only thought it and decided to have faith in it. It was astounding to finally feel the truth of it in my bones. I was immensely comforted. I just wanted to tell you that. :) Love you guys. xo

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