There’s a guardian in the wings

Well, it happens maybe once a year, and it’s happened again: total saturation point has been reached. This morning I combed through my bookshelves to find some fiction – any fiction! – that might strike my fancy and came up with precisely squat. I tried The Silmarillion, which I’d read years ago and had recently picked up at a thrift store, in hardback, a very nice copy, but I just wasn’t feeling it and put it back on the shelf. The only fiction I can seem to focus on with any degree of enthusiasm is the Temperance Brennan mystery series by Kathy Reichs; thankfully I have the next one waiting for me at the liberry. And I’m inching my way through the help books I’ve accumulated, meaning, I’ll read a chapter and then set the book down instead of galumphing through it. It’s weird to look at titles that usually drive my passion into the ozone and find myself mentally shrugging my shoulders instead… But, I’m used to the pattern, and I’ll get over it soon enough. Unless I don’t, of course.

Meanwhile, I’m going to get all creative up in here! I think this is the thing that will renew my energy, which has been so terribly absent lately. I spent some time this morning researching how to make incense sticks, since I burn them every day and the nicer, less-smoky ones cost so much to buy. I’ve been thinking that it would be a good idea to figure out how to provide for ourselves the things we use the most; not only does this save money, but it gives us something meaningful to make with our hands – perfect mindful meditation. Because our apartment is located in a veritable woodland glade, so much so that instead of grass in our yard we have moss (I’m not complaining), I’m going to ask my folks if I can appropriate a patch in their sunny garden for growing sage and sweetgrass. I’ll start the seeds indoors very soon.

Working in the earth is magical, and comprehensively healing. Earthworms, ants, beetles, weeds, the cool soil crumbling in your palms as you break open clods and dig shallow divots to shelter tender-rooted plants… it’s all life, teeming at your fingertips. Time is suspended in the garden. I’m eager for spring.

A couple days ago something really cool happened, something very encouraging to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about angels lately, and have been reading about how helpful they are to us when we call on them. Most religious traditions have a belief in angels in common, and I’ve always believed in them myself, but have never given them much room in my personal experience. I remember one time, when Scott and I were being prophesied over by three people at a conference, that one of them told us there was a huge angel standing behind us, and that it was always with us. That was awesome, but I kind of forgot about it as the years passed.

So, a couple of mornings ago, as I was having my regular conversation-over-coffee with my heavenly crew, I suddenly closed my eyes and fervently said under my breath, “I wish I knew the name of my guardian angel.” To my great surprise, even as I was speaking, a name sprang to my mind’s eye: Hazael. I had never heard the name before, and in fact wondered if I had just thought of the bad angel from the show Supernatural, who had a similar-sounding name (I think it was Azazel). But no, the name Hazael continued to blaze out at me. So I looked it up and was blown away to find there really is an angel with this name, though it’s typically spelled Haziel! At first I looked up Hazael and found out it’s an Aramaic name that means “God has seen.” Then I found Haziel on a list of angel names, saw that it means “vision of God,” and read these qualities attributed to him:

  • Universal Love
  • Divine Mercy
  • Gift of forgiveness, reconciliation
  • Good faith
  • Trust, sincerity
  • Goodness that absolves all evil
  • Powerful energy that transforms all negativity
  • Support, encouragement, friendship, grace, favors from those in power
  • Promises, commitment
  • Altruism, unselfishness, impartiality
  • Childlike purity

According to people who study angels, Haziel is typically assigned to those who were born from May 1 to May 5, but I’m convinced that he has been my guardian angel from the very moment I emerged from God, because I’ve needed his help in all these areas, and continue to need it. In fact, I would say with supreme confidence that these areas actually define my life’s experience. I find it especially astounding to know that he’s “my” angel in light of my current conscious desire for unity in every area of my life, in every relationship, and on a wider scale, within all humanity. I’m immeasurably grateful (oh, why are words so inadequate?) to God – and Hazael, obvs – for giving me this information, because now I can ask for help by name. If I’m scared, if I feel lonely, or abandoned, or in any way emotionally distraught, or if I need protection, whatever, I can call out “Hazael!” and he’ll be SO there. He was there before, but now it feels personal.

I can’t believe the stuff I tell you guys. :) I hope you all have a great day. Love!



Filed under Beloveds, Creative, God, Guides, Love, Stuff to read, Thrifty

12 responses to “There’s a guardian in the wings

  1. I enjoyed the Temperance Brennan series for a quiet little space out time. Plowing my way through “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” right now. Just $5 on Kindle. Speaking of Kindle, I think I might be overdoing it just a bit. I’ve read 22 books since Tammy surprised me with it just before Christmas. (Many of them free. That makes me smile. Now if my library would only give me a code to check out books on it, I would be in heaven).

    • Twenty-two books since Christmas?? Holy smokes, girl. And I love that they were free… DOES the library have a check-out code for Kindle? Are you messing with me? :) I’m reluctant to buy an electronic book-reading thingy because I can’t read text on computers for very long without my eyes going buggy, and I don’t know, I think I just prefer turning my own pages. But I’m not closing the door on the idea.

  2. Oh yeah, and I was gonna tell you about an “angel” experience I had when I was churchy. I was at Brownsville, laying on the ground after being “slain”. As I layed there with heavy limbs and a tranquil heart, I suddenly had what I guess I would call a vision. A seeing without eyes that is stronger than just picturing something. You know.

    I saw two beings, angels I suppose. They were kneeling next to me but were almost the height of a person so I guess they must have been a bit huge. They each had a bronzey looking pitcher from which they were pouring into my palms. They were labeled. Compassion from one, courage the other. My palms grew very warm and had that full feeling that I used to sometimes get when I would pray.

    Don’t know what to do with such experiences now. Some were probably just an overstimulated imagination. But there were a few that resonated so deeply that I carry them even into this agnostic fog.

    • Wow, I absolutely love that!

      Your quoting certain words reminds me that different groups, cultures, whatever, have their own language to describe similar experiences, and we can get turned off when we hear specific button-pushing words. I mean, I can! I shouldn’t speak for anyone else. But your vision, which resulted from being “slain in the spirit,” as your church termed it, could be considered a byproduct of deep meditation by Hindus or some Buddhists, for example. It doesn’t really matter what we call it, honcho. You had yourself a vision. (hee. I’m teasing you. Saying that reminded me of the movie Thunderheart, where the Native American sheriff jealously says the same thing to the arrogant FBI agent who can’t accept his own heritage. Which, NO connection to you at all! It’s just a great line from a great movie, and it was fun to have a chance to use it.)

      I totally respect where you’re at, Twi. And I really appreciate the fact that you’re still bopping by here when I’ve headed off in another direction… That’s exactly what I’m hoping for in every way, everywhere, with everyone. xo

  3. Rod

    i am still reading the book I started on January 1. If I hadn’t committed myself to reading all the way through it I would have stopped. Can you guess what book it is. I have been taught out of it for 53 years, but only parts of it. I have studied pieces of it for a long time, I have read the first chapter many times and the last chapter many times also. Thanks for sharing

  4. I feel the same connection with paper books. I never would have bought the Kindle for myself, not just cause it’s a splurge, but because I just love me some book. But it is so fast and easy and there are so many to choose from. My daughter-in-law got a code from her library in Louisiana. I haven’t made the effort to call my library yet, even though I’m dying to know if they offer that. I have a teensy phone issue.

    • Grr, those teensy phone issues. :) I just discovered the digital library at my local liberry, and have Uncle Silas by Sheridan Le Fanu downloaded and ready to rock. sigh. I just can’t bring myself to do it, though. I guess I have to readjust my braincapsules to include reading books online! It’s okay, I’ll come into the 21st century someday.

  5. Oh, and also? I loved reading and studying the Bible. Reading it front to back a few times is good. Doing word studies with a good lexicon is eye-opening and wonderful. And the Catholic practice of lectino divino (sp?) is wonderful. I hope to one day feel free of the past enough to delve into the hebrew and christian sacred texts once again. Hey, Kells, how did you enjoy the gospel of Jesus by Mitchell?

    • I’ve never heard of that Catholic practice! I’ll have to look it up. Oh my stars and garters, I LOVED Mitchell’s book. In fact, it’s what made me love Jesus again, after having thrown him out with the bathwater. That and Elaine Pagel’s Gospel of Thomas. I found her Gnostic Gospels at Goodwill awhile back and am looking forward to delving into that someday. I feel I’m finally – finally! – getting to know the “real” Jesus, or at least as real as we can see him, considering how little we truly know about him… you know, apart from those wacky political agendas. Have you read the book?

  6. Rod

    yes it is the bible, but with the apocrypha thrown in. I will have a lot to say next month when I finish it. somethings i think are going to upset some people who read the blog. but it is my opinion and if they want to dump me because they don’t agree with me that is ok.

    • Whee! Join the renegade brigade. :) Plus, you’ll be SO much happier when you start sharing the stuff that’s really on your heart. (Not to say you haven’t been already – just, in future!) It’s no fun hiding things away. I hate it. It makes me feel terrible.

      I read some of the apocrypha several years ago because I was very curious, and it was cool to see a different perspective on scripture and to hear new stories! I’m interested in hearing what you have to say when it’s all said and done.

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