Well, it happens maybe once a year, and it’s happened again: total saturation point has been reached. This morning I combed through my bookshelves to find some fiction – any fiction! – that might strike my fancy and came up with precisely squat. I tried The Silmarillion, which I’d read years ago and had recently picked up at a thrift store, in hardback, a very nice copy, but I just wasn’t feeling it and put it back on the shelf. The only fiction I can seem to focus on with any degree of enthusiasm is the Temperance Brennan mystery series by Kathy Reichs; thankfully I have the next one waiting for me at the liberry. And I’m inching my way through the help books I’ve accumulated, meaning, I’ll read a chapter and then set the book down instead of galumphing through it. It’s weird to look at titles that usually drive my passion into the ozone and find myself mentally shrugging my shoulders instead… But, I’m used to the pattern, and I’ll get over it soon enough. Unless I don’t, of course.
Meanwhile, I’m going to get all creative up in here! I think this is the thing that will renew my energy, which has been so terribly absent lately. I spent some time this morning researching how to make incense sticks, since I burn them every day and the nicer, less-smoky ones cost so much to buy. I’ve been thinking that it would be a good idea to figure out how to provide for ourselves the things we use the most; not only does this save money, but it gives us something meaningful to make with our hands – perfect mindful meditation. Because our apartment is located in a veritable woodland glade, so much so that instead of grass in our yard we have moss (I’m not complaining), I’m going to ask my folks if I can appropriate a patch in their sunny garden for growing sage and sweetgrass. I’ll start the seeds indoors very soon.
Working in the earth is magical, and comprehensively healing. Earthworms, ants, beetles, weeds, the cool soil crumbling in your palms as you break open clods and dig shallow divots to shelter tender-rooted plants… it’s all life, teeming at your fingertips. Time is suspended in the garden. I’m eager for spring.
A couple days ago something really cool happened, something very encouraging to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about angels lately, and have been reading about how helpful they are to us when we call on them. Most religious traditions have a belief in angels in common, and I’ve always believed in them myself, but have never given them much room in my personal experience. I remember one time, when Scott and I were being prophesied over by three people at a conference, that one of them told us there was a huge angel standing behind us, and that it was always with us. That was awesome, but I kind of forgot about it as the years passed.
So, a couple of mornings ago, as I was having my regular conversation-over-coffee with my heavenly crew, I suddenly closed my eyes and fervently said under my breath, “I wish I knew the name of my guardian angel.” To my great surprise, even as I was speaking, a name sprang to my mind’s eye: Hazael. I had never heard the name before, and in fact wondered if I had just thought of the bad angel from the show Supernatural, who had a similar-sounding name (I think it was Azazel). But no, the name Hazael continued to blaze out at me. So I looked it up and was blown away to find there really is an angel with this name, though it’s typically spelled Haziel! At first I looked up Hazael and found out it’s an Aramaic name that means “God has seen.” Then I found Haziel on a list of angel names, saw that it means “vision of God,” and read these qualities attributed to him:
- Universal Love
- Divine Mercy
- Gift of forgiveness, reconciliation
- Good faith
- Trust, sincerity
- Goodness that absolves all evil
- Powerful energy that transforms all negativity
- Support, encouragement, friendship, grace, favors from those in power
- Promises, commitment
- Altruism, unselfishness, impartiality
- Childlike purity
According to people who study angels, Haziel is typically assigned to those who were born from May 1 to May 5, but I’m convinced that he has been my guardian angel from the very moment I emerged from God, because I’ve needed his help in all these areas, and continue to need it. In fact, I would say with supreme confidence that these areas actually define my life’s experience. I find it especially astounding to know that he’s “my” angel in light of my current conscious desire for unity in every area of my life, in every relationship, and on a wider scale, within all humanity. I’m immeasurably grateful (oh, why are words so inadequate?) to God – and Hazael, obvs – for giving me this information, because now I can ask for help by name. If I’m scared, if I feel lonely, or abandoned, or in any way emotionally distraught, or if I need protection, whatever, I can call out “Hazael!” and he’ll be SO there. He was there before, but now it feels personal.
I can’t believe the stuff I tell you guys. :) I hope you all have a great day. Love!