Good morning, friends. this morning i’m trying something new by not using capitals, because for some reason, capitals slow down my thoughts. for awhile now i’ve found myself increasingly discontented with my approach to the blog, but have been unwilling to lay it down because i really love it, really do consider it an extra room in my house. it’s the room where i explore and express the stuff i’m thinking about. my intention, my entire intention, is to be straight up with whomever comes here to see what i have to say, for whatever reason they have for coming. maybe they’re curious about me, maybe they care about me, maybe they have their daily round of blogs to check, maybe they stumbled here by accident, but i realize now that nobody is here to be taught anything. this morning i counted on my fingers my regular readers, and came up with seven that i know of, and i only know these because they’ve left me comments. among these seven, as far as i can tell, not one shares my particular belief system, nor do they intend to, because they’re comfortable with their own belief systems. that’s perfectly fine, but i believe this realization changes the way i see my blog, and must change the way I communicate with my readers. my tendency is to be a teacherly sort of person, but i’m going to lay that down and instead simply be myself, whatever that ends up looking like (and i’m sure it will end up teacherly sometimes, but it won’t be intentional). this isn’t scary because i like who i am and don’t really care too much anymore if anyone else does. i figure, if you’re here, then you kinda sorta like me too. but it is a little challenging, mostly because it necessitates finding a fresh perspective instead of falling back on the same-old patterns. since the patterns were no longer working, however, i think the fresh-approach idea will be fun for me. i hope it’s fun for you, but honestly, you’re your own person and don’t need me to take care of you.
this reminds me of a snippet of a dream. in it, i was in a coffee shop with a whole bunch of other people during some kind of outside upheaval, which is why we were all together in the shop. someone was passing around pieces of cake and i was afraid i wasn’t going to get one, so my inclination was to jump up and offer to help the person who was cutting the cake. what would have looked like a selfless act was in reality a way to protect myself from not getting what i wanted, being left out, whatever, fill-in-the-blank. To my internal credit, and delight, in the dream i recognized my motivation and stopped myself from offering to help, and triumphantly moved into the next phase of the dream.
i guess in a way that’s what i’m doing now. in the cosmic passing of the cake, i’m no longer worried that i won’t get a piece, so i don’t have to be one of the passers-out. everybody gets cake! that’s the way it works. there are people i’m responsible for teaching on a regular basis, and others who pop into my life with whom i can spontaneously share my lessons, but i’m seeing that this isn’t the forum for that. seeing this is a great relief for me because it’s going to free my mind to flow where it will, without worrying about how i’m coming across. you know, i was just going to write that personal blogging is all a heaping bowl of self-indulgence anyway, but my spirit stopped me from mocking it like that. it’s not self-indulgence to write in your blog… no. what it is is self-disclosure, an opportunity for someone to read what you have to say and feel that they can relate, that they’re not alone. we all have ideas that cross our upbringing and most people tamp them down because to express them opens us up to ridicule. good grief, i almost did it myself, by saying that it’s self-indulgent to talk about yourself. people try to think like other people so they won’t find themselves alone, because to be without anyone is the most terrifying thing of all. right now, if i didn’t share life with the three in-the-flesh people who can track with me, i would feel very lonely. though far less lonely than i would have been before i became aware of my guides, who are very real presences to me, and who help me immeasurably every single day.
thank you, my Higher Self, Jesus, the archangels, Hazael, Mara, younger Mara, Mother Mary, St. Christopher, Gordon, and Stuart. these are my spirit guides and i am eternally grateful to them. this is a fruitful period for me regarding getting to know my heavenly help and recognizing their voices. mostly they come to me in dreams, though my higher self, Jesus, and Hazael speak to me internally on a regular basis. i would be lost and confused and hopeless without them. which reminds me… you know how some people sneer about religion being a crutch? um, yeeeah. it is. duh. we’re all crippled and we need some support. mr. theoretical sneerer? i don’t make fun of you for needing your cigarettes, booze, pot, movies, harlequin romances, sex, fast cars, stamp collections, rotary club, or myriad other escapes, so don’t make fun of me for needing my spiritual support system, m’kay? it’s only just.
hey, so you know, i think you guys are awesome. again, and again, and yet again, i really appreciate you being here, especially because you don’t have to be. really. that means the world to me.
also, i felt compelled to post a bunch of my old poems and song lyrics on a site i’m calling Stir the Sky. if you’re curious, you can see it here, and if you’re interested, check back every so often because i’m still adding to it. all of them (so far) were written at least six to seven years ago, and since some of my beliefs have shifted, i reworked a few that didn’t reflect what i think now. i was astounded and a little appalled to reread them and realize how often in the ensuing years i’ve repeated the same behaviors that generated them! we really do go around old jonesie’s barn until we’ve learned our lesson. i hope in the next life i can move onto something new. also, speaking of something new, i’ve found myself singing a lot again, and have recently asked the archangel Uriel to help me finally learn how to play the guitar. hopefully i’ll have some new songs to add to the site someday and maybe even sing in the local coffee shop. love you guys.