Picture window

This morning, after a deep comfortable sleep full of dreams I don’t remember, I was wakened by the sweet voice of Daniel Johnston singing his song True Love (listen to it here).

True love will find you in the end

You’ll find out just who was your friend.

Don’t be sad, I know you will…

But don’t give up until

True love will find you in the end.

This is a promise with a catch

Only if you’re looking, can it find you

‘Cause true love is searching, too

But how can it recognize you unless you step out into the light, the light?

Don’t be sad, I know you will…

But don’t give up until

True love will find you in the end.

Last night before going to bed I prayed to receive a message from the Spirit, and I believe that this was it, especially since I hadn’t heard this song in a very long time. I have a good idea of what the message means, and my heart is so encouraged. I am trying to develop (and maintain, which is harder) an eternal view of life, and not get bogged down in the brief roles we play here, trying things out, learning how to be human, learning how to express God in such a turbulent landscape. The night before last I dreamt I was in a friend’s kitchen and bumped into her stove and suddenly started laughing. I looked at her and she was laughing too, and I laughed so hard and long that I fell on the floor, still laughing, and it was a healing kind of laughter, as well as a recognition that we’re all children playing the same game, and everything will come out right in the end.

The last couple of days I’ve been walking around pinching myself because it seems a shift has taken place inside of me. Now, instead of sitting inside the furnace, enduring the searing heat on my skin as it burns my pain away, I’m standing outside of it, where cool breezes can brush across me as I gently place any errant painful thought into the fire and close the door. I feel the good kind of separate now… as if I’m in possession of myself again, with a clear mind (I hope) and clear vision (I hope). I believe it took this long for me to get to a more solid platform of peace because I had kept the reasons for my pain close to my vest–it wasn’t until I took the risk of being vulnerable that my whole entire self cracked open to let the healing process begin. There’s a reason, in grief counseling, that practically the number one piece of advice given is: Tell your people what’s going on and let them love on you. I didn’t do that for the longest time, but now I am, and by gum, that counsel is right on.

Little, yet massively significant, things keep happening to encourage me. A guy friend from high school, whom I barely knew then, asked if he could be one of my “wimmin” because he said I inspire him (just, wow). Another friend wrote and asked excellent questions that prompted a nourishing dialogue–and both of these happened the night I was wondering dolefully if, in writing these posts, all I was doing was whispering into the wind. Yesterday, my friend Vicky, whom I had not talked to for thirteen years, called on the phone and the moment I heard her voice all that time just swooped away as if it had never existed. Within ten minutes I had told her every single heartwrenching thing that had happened to me in the time we’d been apart, and then I listened to her. My heart is now that much lighter, and it’s a big “that.” I had really missed her.

Daniel Johnston wrote another song that has always spoken to me because it makes me feel that I’m not alone in believing its message. He writes: “Your picture is still on my wall, on my wall./ It’s colors are bright, bright, as ever. /The red is strong, the blue is pure. /Some things last a long time…/It’s funny, but it’s true/and it’s true, but it’s not funny./Time comes and goes, all of the while/but I still think about you./ Some things last a lifetime.” Some things even last forever. Have a wonderful day, friends! Love to you all. xo

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4 Comments

Filed under Beloveds, Ear candy, Hope, Hug it out bitch

4 responses to “Picture window

  1. Yay! You had a Shift!
    So Wayne Dyer! ~~ my heart is frickin’ jubilatin’ at this post!

  2. Frokaloke

    Hi— thought it might be time for me to poke my nose out of my tree and meet you here! Seems I picked a happy day to arrive! I listened to that song and can see why you are so excited by it. Life is exciting, especially once you grow wings! Enough of plodding about in the mud… hehehe—let’s go for a fly!

    • Froky, I’m SO happy to see you here, my darling friend. I really love the purity of Daniel Johnston’s voice and the simplicity of his songs. I discovered him a few years ago when I stumbled upon the documentary The Devil and Daniel Johnston, and ended up buying two of his CDs. Now if I could only find them…! Welcome to MY tree! :D

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