Good morning, friends! It’s been so long since I felt like writing, but that’s not because I’ve been depressed, or anything like that. In fact, this has been the happiest, most peaceful, time of my life, and I’m very grateful for it.
Every day I journal voluminously, which releases pent-up thoughts, helps me process feelings, and satisfies my itch to run my fingers over a keypad. I’ve rediscovered gardening and have been slowly creating a tiny, restful, beautiful back patio retreat, on which I spend at least an hour a day at blessed intervals, either perched on a chair with my coffee, or rocking on the comfy swing with my book, or planting flowers in pots, or simply staring up at the trees. The squirrels know me now.
I’ve also been working on the gardens at my parents’ house–the herb garden and the vegetable garden–and have felt immense joy digging in the dirt, there in my straw hat and long-sleeved shirt, weeding (my favorite), turning the soil (my second favorite), and nestling seedlings into the ground (my third favorite). For years and years spring was a season of sadness for me, but it’s become the season I look forward to most. I love all the seasons, honestly; they each bring beauty and refreshment in one way or another.
This is a concentrated time for family. Jesse and his girlfriend Amber have been living with us for a couple of months and are currently on the lookout, with Van, for an apartment. I’ll miss them when they’re gone, though we are a little crammed, like sardines, in our own small apartment. Still, everyone gets along and many hands make for light work, and there’s always somebody flopping down on a chair in the living room for a chat, always somebody to put the kettle or coffeepot on, always somebody to run this errand or that. They will not be leaving us bereft, however, because in their wake will come Torie, who–as of this writing–is planning to fly over and spend some time with us. The Spare Oom is always full, just the way I like it.
Spiritually (you knew I couldn’t write a post without going there, didn’t you? :), I’ve been attracted to silence and space, the room to breathe and fly unfettered, to discover my divinity and explore, without haste or harriedness or anxiety and completely at my own unhurried pace, my developing beliefs, which bud and blossom and fruit and fall off the tree and return again as something new, yet familiar… And then to lay down those beliefs as unprovable, and simply be as I am and observe things as they are, without judgment, without evaluation. Observe and be. Live and let live. I have found the most incredible peace as a result.
If there is one subject that fascinates me most right now, it’s death and dying, as I’ve come to believe that the best way to find happiness in life is to face, full-on, our inevitable death–at least, the death of our bodies. After copious reading about near-death experiences and hypnotic regressions in which people experience an afterlife, I’m very much hoping it’s true, and it’s comforting to think that we may have had many lives before and will have at least a few more ahead in order to develop our souls fully, but of course, as with every belief, I’m only making my best guess, according to the information I’ve gleaned by various means. So, while I nestle hope for the future in my heart (like a little plant), I try my best to live in the present moment, which is ultimately the only thing we can ever experience anyway. There is never a time when we’re not now. Staying present and keeping always before me the irrefutable fact of Life’s ever-cycling beginnings and endings, large and small, has enhanced my experience of this life immeasurably, and has helped put my sorrows in perspective.
I’m trying to think if there’s anything else to share before I hop in the shower and from there into the day, which is shaping up to be another keeper… Oh yes, we got a motorcycle! We’ve already taken two long trips on it, and oh, how I’d missed having one; I didn’t realize how much until I was able to once again park myself behind Scott and head out onto the open road. What an opportunity for meditation a motorcycle provides. Thoughts recycle their way through your mind, over and over, until you realize you’ve thought all the thoughts you need to think and you’re done with them, and you enter the land of no-thought-at-all, and the most delicious bliss comes over you. I love it, and I’ve loved catching up with you today. Until next time, all. xo