Hypnagogic holiday shenanigans

The big cave at the Grotto

The big cave at the Grotto

The big cave after Christmas has exploded all over it.

The big cave after Christmas has exploded all over it.

Good morning, peoples. And when I say morning, I mean yikes-o’clock. I heard the car door slam outside when Scott got home from work at midnight and I’ve been awake ever since. So not fun, as I anticipate dragging through the rest of the day. Multiple coffees make only the merest dent on this kind of anticipated dragginess. sigh.

However, something AMAZING happened to me last night as I was falling asleep. There are things that motor us through our normal days–garden variety events we talk about, this and that and the other–and then there’s the Unusual with a capital “U”–experiences that most people hide away from the world after they happen for at least a couple reasons: Reasons like, 1) people might think you’re weird or 2) people might think you’re crazy.

I like to talk about the capital “U” stuff. I don’t care if people think I’m weird or crazy because I would rather think of myself as interesting. How we see ourselves is what makes our little particular worlds go ’round so I’m good if I’m the only one jibing with myself on this. That said, I DO want to share it with you because it’s so cool! And cool stuff should be shared with people!

So. The only thing I can think of that in ANY way would’ve triggered this is that I asked Kiva (my idea of God) and Hazael (my guardian angel, or guide) to help me out of the lethargic doldrums I’d found myself in that day because I wasn’t liking them. I asked this and promptly turned over onto my side to fall asleep.

As I entered the alpha brain wave stage, or what I like to call Twilight–the period between waking and sleeping–I suddenly felt a shift take place in the room, a change in atmosphere, and I knew something was about to happen. I instantly went into high alert. In my mind (all of this is happening in the hypnagogic state), I quickly cried out to Hazael, asking him to fill me with the white light of Jesus, then, as things began to escalate, cried out “Jesus! Jesus!” a couple times because I was scared, and then simply decided to go with what was happening. Just release my fear and enter the experience. I asked Hazael to be with me.

I relaxed, all the while feeling an escalation of energy which is very hard to describe. It was an ascension onto another plane. People have talked about alternate realities, higher vibrations and varying frequencies, and I’ve never really known what they’ve meant, not having experienced the sensation myself, not in this way, but I finally have an idea. I was not *exactly* asleep during this: I was elsewhere. That’s all I can say.

A white light bloomed in front of me. I was lying in the same position, curled up on my right side, but I was no longer in my bedroom. Instead, I was in a large, dark room in a place that felt like a summer camp (it may have felt that way because I had a slight homesick feeling). On the opposite end of the room was a wide, open, lighted doorway. All around me colored lights were blossoming and flashing, strobe-like at times, and there were lots of indiscernible sounds going on. It sounded very busy but I couldn’t see any activity. I began to hear voices emerge. In my state of hyper-vigilance, wanting to be sure to see and hear everything so I could keep myself protected from anything nasty, I murmured “only the highest guides, only my guides” in reference to the voices. At that point the only word I could understand came out behind me, “Okay!” it cheerily said. Which is kind of funny and awesome.

Everything was happening above and behind me. Above me, I heard a woman’s voice rise up clear and loud. She was authoritative and it sounded as if she were telling people what to do–I was surprised by how young she sounded. Behind me, two women were speaking to each other, interacting the way coworkers might do on the job. I couldn’t understand what any of them said, but it wasn’t like they were speaking another language, it was as if their words were deliberately masked, to keep me from understanding.

As they were speaking, I began to notice a tremendous energy happening on the crown of my head, and the back of my head. (I also sensed Hazael standing beside me, his hand resting softly on my shoulder, which helped me feel safe.) It suddenly occurred to me that all this conversation was about me, and that the women behind me were touching me and this was the source of the energy. I thought they might be healing me.

Then, one of the women touched the middle of my back and the sensation was like ice and fire at the same time. It was so uncomfortable that I arched forward (though I doubt I moved at all in conscious life) and the connection broke. Everything started to fade and dissipate, but it happened very slowly and gently. Colored faces appeared and disappeared in front of me, one a scary-ish looking woman in red, the last a faint, primitive statue lying on its side. It was a very gentle reemergence into waking life, and afterwards I lay there in the same position for I don’t even know how long, thoroughly shocked and awed. I couldn’t move… all I could say, over and over, was “wow” and “what in the world was THAT.” The energy stayed with me, particularly on my back, for quite awhile and I can recall it even now.

It occurred to me that this may be very like what people experience when they believe they’ve been abducted by aliens! No probing for me, but a bit of prodding. Interesting. I’m not going to comprehensively roll my eyes at those folks anymore, which is rude and narrow-minded anyway. I’m glad I’m being broadened, if for no other reason than it stops me from being a judgmental ass.

I fell asleep after some time and had an actual dream that was also very cool because I brought some of that residual energy into it. A kind of crystal clarity of purpose and intent (though I faltered at the end, afraid of going further with it, which sometimes happens in dreams and wakiness, ah well).

There are times I wish I could see a hypnotherapist because the entire idea of regression fascinates me, as well as the capacity of our brains to hallucinate, envision, and imagine–everything that emerges from them! And besides, if I have this much fun in the alpha state, what would the DELTA state be like? Cheese’n’crackers! Maybe someday. I’m glad this stuff happens on its own sometimes, so I don’t need to pay any experts for the privilege.


In other news! What is everyone doing for the holiday this year? This has been such a relaxing season for me. I’ve been deep into artwork lately and didn’t want the distraction of having to up and decorate for Christmas (or Yule). Millions of other people have decorated so I decided I’d simply enjoy what they’ve done instead! It’s been a good plan. Scott and I and Torie and her friend Kayla and Kayla’s little daughter Kyrie went to the Grotto’s Festival of Lights last Sunday night. It was very crowded but beautiful, a Disneyland for Christians, and everyone on their best behavior.

There were two favorite parts for me. The first was standing in front of the big cave and feeling the tremendous spiritual energy there; it was a great reminder that the Grotto is a contemplative place every other day except Festival days.

St. Peregrine, for all intents and purposes the cancer saint

St. Peregrine, apparently the go-to cancer guy. Plus, he’s named after a falcon, sooo…dy-no-mite!

The second was when Torie wanted to buy and light a candle for her Grandpa Jim, who died a few years ago of lung cancer. As I was leading her to the cave area–where other people had placed their candles–she said, “No, I want to put it here,” here being a small shrine beside the pathway, containing a saint mosaic and a few lighted candles.

As she bent forward to set it down, I peered at the inscription on the stone beside the niche, nearly invisible in the dark, and gasped. “Oh my God, Torie!” I said. “Did you know that this is the CANCER saint?” She looked at me with wide eyes. “No,” she said. “I just knew I wanted to put it here.”

Awesome. I love that we can follow our intuition, even for little simple things. LOVE it.

One of the many exuberances on Peacock Lane

One of the many exuberances on Peacock Lane

Our plan, this coming Sunday, is for our family to visit Peacock Lane, a highly-decorated street and local holiday landmark, which we will stroll upon getting our glut of pretty lights and probably rained on, and then head for Shari’s Restaurant for breakfast at night! After that we’ll go to Van and Megan’s apartment for peppermint schnapps in hot chocolate and various games. Insanity will undoubtedly ensue the entire evening and I’m really looking forward to it.

On the Eve we’ll go to my parents’ for something dinnerish and on the Day we’ll go to Scott’s sister’s for something else dinnerish, after we’ve gone to see Anchorman 2 with Torie and Brian. Perfection! I love that there’s so little pressure, on me anyway. Heh. Once Pamplemousse arrives, however, things might be different…There’s something about making magic happen for a little kid…. that’s, well, magic.

Have a great week, everyone! See you again around the new year. xo



Filed under Beloveds, Cold places, Dreamy dreams, Fambly

2 responses to “Hypnagogic holiday shenanigans

  1. What a great post, thanks for sharing your ‘twilight’ experience! I was just on Hiro Boga’s site, pulling a Deva card there, reading her neat stuff, and settling into the decision to amp up/update my spiritual disciplines, so this post goes right along with the peaceful, happy, spiritual-energy-focused space I’m in, right now!
    Do you think it’s transformed you in any permanent way? I’d like to hear about it!

    I want my next epiphany or spiritual experience or deep Source connection or whatever it’s called to be truly transformative~ not just to give me great feelings for me to hold on to as long as possible, but to make a real, positive impact in my life! I’d like it to show me my limitlessness~ in a way that allows me to always be aware of it!
    I decided to choose a “Beastie of the Year” for 2014, to symbolize what I want to go towards in the coming year, and ended up with the Butterfly choosing me, in many very direct, significant ways~ since the Butterfly is a symbol of transformation (and other glorious things like renewal, rebirth, joy), that’s helped me focus on my hope of allowing transformation to happen, now. So, now I’m collecting things I can do to help that along!
    Ok, this is one of those long comments that are probably in bad taste, and not nearly as enjoyable for others to read as it was for me to write, but hey, you know~ tis the season~ “fa ra ra ra ra!”

    • Christine, hello! :) Awesome that this meant something to you today. That makes me happy, and I always love your long comments!
      As far as a transformation goes, I don’t know yet. I’ve been having lots of dreams lately where I go through a series of tasks to accomplish certain goals, some of them seemingly nonsensical (in waking terms), but I know they mean something to me on a deep level. Instead of getting frustrated when I can’t figure out the meanings, I’ve been trying to be contented with simply knowing that healing is taking place inside me, whatever it turns out to be. I can see evidence of change in other, apparently disconnected ways.
      This experience DOES make me wonder if I’ve been rocking some funky disease I didn’t even know about, though…!! Maybe it’s gone now…

      I SO know what you mean about experiences actually being significant to your growth, instead of just a feel-good thing. I’ve been thinking the same lately. The stuff that happens (like what happened to me last night) is wonderful by itself and comforting to remember, but unless it causes real change it’s just a memory, an ungraspable wisp from the past. In order for it to stay present with me, I have to be gleaning from it in some way NOW. I believe I am. Oh, it’s all good, no matter how we look at it! :)
      Also, I find it VERY interesting that you’ve chosen a butterfly for your beastie! They’ve been coming to my notice over the past few weeks. In fact, several nights ago I had a dream in three segments: in the first a soldier was screaming in anger, in the second something happened with him that I don’t remember now, and in the third he was calmly receiving a piece of cloth with a butterfly embroidered on it. ha! Yes, transformative. I love it!
      Have a happy Christmas! xo

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