TMI Tidbittery

~ I am copycatting this whole idea from Fence.

~ These kinds of lists, while fun to read about someone else, always feel self-serving when I do them myself. I’ll get over that.

~To explain my blog title… I was looking up a book one day on my local library site–I believe it was about past lives–when I came across a review by a woman who wrote, rather sardonically, that she didn’t think much of the book but “it would surely appeal to the 133.0 crowd.” 133.0 is the reference number for the Metaphysics section in the library. Instead of getting my panties in a bunch over the mockery, I decided to adopt and run with it. I try to rise to challenges with my dukes up and a twinkle in my eye.

~My name is Kelly, by the way. Nice to meet you. My husband is Scott, and we have three grown kids: Van (and his wife Megan), Jesse (and his partner Lauren, and their baby son Sol—my heart-and-Sol :), and Torie (and her boyfriend Brian). I LOVE these people. These people are AMAZING.

~ I was born in Santa Maria, California, so when the Beach Boys sang about wishing ‘they all could be California girls’, I was able to coo and preen because I already was.

My son Jesse, showing me how to pull back the bow string. It’s easy, mom!

Me, categorically sucking at it. That’s as far as I got. Athena I am not.

~ When we moved to Oregon, I was twelve, right on the cusp of adolescence, and I was so depressed by the move that several things went very badly, among which were: I missed half of my sixth grade school year because of phantom ailments, including one ridiculously terrifying day when I couldn’t move my legs and had to pull myself down the hall to the bathroom; I stopped caring about hygiene and wore a crocheted hat whenever I went to school so I wouldn’t have to wash my hair; and I had no friends to sit with at lunch so to avoid being asked by my teacher, Mr Beebe, to sit with him (death knell), I would walk home from school to watch Perry Mason with my dad, who was going to school at the time and had a flexible schedule. The good things about that year? Watching Perry Mason with my dad, listening to country music on the little transistor radio in the kitchen, getting a brand new Narnia poster, escaping into my world of books.

~ In seventh grade I suddenly turned into a swan and things went better after that.

~ When I was five my only pet was the spider who lived on the floor at the end of the hall. I named him Click-Clock and we had many deep and enriching conversations before he disappeared one day, possibly into the vacuum, but my mom’s not talking.

~ I no longer squish spiders, nor do I kill any other living creature if I can help it.

~ While I appreciate dogs, I am much more of a cat person. I also love reptiles and would fill the house with box turtles, iguanas, and snakes if it wasn’t kind of a hassle.

~ I was eight when we got our first dog, Champ, an old pug whose family had had to give him up. I was so heartbroken when he was hit by a car several years later that the only way I could get through it was to lie on my bed and listen to “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas for about four weeks straight. To be honest, I think I’m still not over it because whenever I hear that song I feel like crying.

~ Maybe this explains why I’m now more of a cat person.

~ To continue the critter theme, I consider my power animals to be snakes, turtles, eagles, hawks, and owls. I’m also, lately, digging mountain lions and bears. In western astrology, my animal is a lion, which I relate to on so many levels. In Lakota astrology, it’s a salmon, which I don’t feel emotionally connected to but understand on an intellectual level, because like salmon, I tend to swim against the current to get to what I want and need. It’s hard and I don’t recommend it. In Chinese astrology, my animal is a dragon, which I think is just about the coolest thing ever, especially because of all the Chinese astrological animals, it’s NOT EVEN REAL.

~ When I was seven, I was in an accordion orchestra. I won two trophies for my accordion playing. I used to drag my accordion out to play for guests when they came over. I played accordion with two other girls in what we called “The Ladybug Trio,” for which my Grandma Phyllis made matching patches to put on our jackets.

~ My Grandma Phyllis was the one who taught me to crochet and who wakened me to the wonderful varicolored world of handicrafts. Thank you, Grandma.

~ What I really wanted to play was the piano. I finally got a piano and lessons in high school, and ended up playing keyboard in a band for several years, so that turned out okay. I also played my accordion on a couple songs because the songs needed it. Oh yes they really did.

~ I was a singer/songwriter from the time I was little until up into my early 40s, performing for hundreds of people at a time without a care. Now, at 49, I barely have the range of one octave and am terrified to try karaoke. It’s weird to consider.

~ I have such a facile imagination that my ambient fire DVD gives me almost as much satisfaction and warmth as a real fire does.

~ I believe in magic and various types of monsters, but not faeries. The whole concept of faeries bugs me. On the other hand, some of my dearest friends have been fairies and I have nothing whatsoever against them. Tim and Bobby and Bill, you made the world a better place and we miss you.

~ I’m really hoping no one was offended by the above comment, which was made with total affection and because those three guys would have laughed. Maybe they’re laughing now.

~ I have smallish boobs but a big ass. Black guys tend to like me.

~ Still not offended? haha :)

~ Halloween trumps all other holidays, but I no longer feel the compulsion to decorate, dress up, or attend parties to celebrate it. My favorite way to spend the evening is to make autumn-related food and watch scary movies with whichever family members are available. Or by myself, don’t matter.

~ One of my all-time favorite topics is death and dying. One of my favorite shelves in the living room bookcase is lined with horror anthologies, ghost stories, and Stephen King novels. Yet I am an intensely indefatigable optimist. This does not feel like a contradiction to me.

~ Currently, my favorite authors are Annie Dillard and Dan Chaon. They both inspire and terrify me: they make me want to strive to write even an nth as well as they do, and convince me, with every sentence that flows from their fingers, that I never will. This is an exhilarating, yet utterly daunting feeling. I love/hate it.

~ A few months ago I started, in earnest, to write a book. It’s the second one I’d started in earnest.  I got about to the 2/3 point with both of them and stopped. I fell in love with the characters in each story and then abandoned them–leaving them unseen, unheard, unfinished–like a horrible, horrible parent. What the hell is wrong with me?

~Sometimes I let the fear of failure stop me. Sometimes I let the fear of success stop me.

~A few people I would want to meet if I weren’t so shy or most of them were dead would be Carl Jung, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Emily Dickinson, Jack London, May Sarton, Amy Sedaris and Eckhart Tolle.

~ The wee hours are the best hours of the day.

~ While I admire pretty manicured fingernails on other women, I can’t abide even a sliver of white showing on my own.

~ I love trees, flowers that look like the sun, bodies of water both huge and small, and rainy days. I love wind and snow and hot sunshine. I love to watch the birds and squirrels at the feeders, and my cat Horatio watching the birds and the squirrels at the feeders from the back of his chair. And then I think about how I’m watching him watch them and I wonder, who’s watching me?

~ Another thing that makes me happy is drawing and painting and papier-macheing. For a visual person, there’s just no better way to sublimate pain and pleasure. I keep an art journal and sometimes draw with my non-dominant left hand because all kinds of yummy stuff crawls out of my subconsciousness then. From the main drawing to the coloring to the final intricate details, the entire process is cathartic. Painting and paper art are the same thing only on a larger messier scale.

~ Someday I will turn the Spare Oom into a studio so I don’t have to take over the entire living room floor.

~ Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are my favorite. If I can manage to get my mittens on dark chocolate peanut butter cups from specialty shops, so much the better.

~ When I have actual guests over, I try to think about how to make sure that all their senses are pleased. What are the sounds, sights, tastes, smells, and sensations in the atmosphere? Is there good feng shui so they feel safe? I don’t lead them to a chair but follow them into the room so they can choose their own spot to sit in. My guests’ comfort is very important to me, because if they’re comfortable, I’m comfortable.

~ I am very affected by other people’s energy, which is both a positive and negative attribute and requires a lot of vigilance on my part or I can end up feeling extremely drained or agitated. When I remember, I protect myself by envisioning a white light filling and covering me. It usually works.

~ I have never liked my ankles, my wrists, my cheeks, my upper arms, or my pinky toes. Even though if I was a guy or gay I would prefer someone my-sized to, say, oh, any skinny woman, pick one, I still tend to castigate myself for “being fat.” This is also an attitude I’m working to transform because, good grief.

~ I am really jazzed by life. I smile and laugh a lot.

~ I am very intrigued by death. I suffer and cry a lot.

~ I hope of all the afterlife scenarios, reincarnation is the one that’s real because it makes the most sense (from a metaphysical standpoint—none of it is rational).

~I’m hoping that the things we call ‘magic’ now will someday be considered run-of-the-mill scientific realities.

~Neil DeGrasse Tyson ROCKS. If you haven’t seen the new Cosmos, run to your TV and watch it immediately!

~I no longer follow the mythology of the bible, but am finding great satisfaction in studying the psychological aspects of the Greek goddesses and gods as archetypes. I’ve lately realized (thank you, Goddesses in Everywoman) that I am most like Persephone (in her later-life role as guide of the underworld), Demeter (my children/grandchild are my world and I will rip the lungs out of anyone who hurts them, you know, that), and Artemis—solitary goddess of the hunt. In fact, I am in LOVE with Artemis women right now and love watching Artemis-women-centric shows. (See Vera with Brenda Blethyn and The Killing with Mireille Enos. Two of my all-time favorites.)

~ I rarely buy anything new, but get most of my everything from thrift shops. This is a philosophical decision, but also, there’s more interesting stuff secondhand. I am very particular about my purchases, however, because my main thrust lately has been clearing out and simplifying life, so I get only what I need, or what I’m so struck by that I keep picking it up and putting it down and walking around with it and setting it on shelves to see how it looks. If I can’t imagine leaving it in the store, I buy it. I got an almost-new breadmaker for my kids the other day. Yes, I’m that sort of mom, but I try to be at least a little classy about it. I gave it a good cleaning first.

~ I double-dee-test talking on the phone. My favorite is a one-on-one face-to-face with a beloved family member or friend, preferably over a cup of something hot.

~ I imagine I’ll be adding to this from time to time.

~ Mulder and Scully, I miss you. The truth is out there. I believe.


FotoFlexer_Photo beach me


10 responses to “TMI Tidbittery

  1. Frokaloke

    I don’t know why you found either post hard to put up…. I have thoroughly enjoyed most… much more, in fact, than many of your previous posts! After reading above I feel I know you better—hurray! No surprises (are you holding out?!) Ah… I do so miss you, especially after reading that and looking now at your smiling pic. Okay, I’ll stop blubbering now.
    Sometimes writing little notes is just barely enough to express all that one is thinking or feeling they would like to say.
    Thank you for being yourself here…… xo
    Now off to console myself with a cup of tea….

    • Froka, there’s just nobody like you. And you’ve reinforced my decision to be more real because, I know, the real posts are better than the watered-down arm’s-length versions. You get up, you try, you fall down, you get up again… life’s all about experimenting. It’s a great game, isn’t it? I’m glad we get to play together.

      Hey, I’m having tea too! That’s so great. I’m also having a fudgy peanut butter cookie bar with mine, in my earnest eagerness to avoid anything that smacks of skinny. :) You? xoxo

      • Frokaloke

        I’m having a sliver of pie with mine… got one for Joel who wanted one earlier this week… but needs a cheer-up now. And I can’t NOT have a piece. Skinny is soooo decades ago! Who knows tho, things do come around again sometimes, and truth be told, I’d be happy to find skinny again. But not without chocolate!
        I am thinking that one day I will write something about how to live happily in a mud puddle. I have so many people around me who struggle with depression or such. I do not, thankfully, but those puddles do slop all around me. I too feel the pain of others… and it hurts worse than my own. But I must and will keep my eyes upward!
        You are a bright spot in my life— thanks!

  2. Oh yes, skinny IS so decades ago, thank God, but like you I’d rather not go for absolutely fat, either. A happy medium with just a healthy layer of cush is perfect. I think you should write about living happily in a puddle of mud! You say I’m a bright spot but Fro, you seem to have been given the task of being a bright spot to an awful lot of depressed people–there’s something to that. Maybe a book is in the works! Now that your last one is done, it’s time to start working on the next. xoxo

  3. We have two spare rooms at the moment, although one belongs to Lady Mew and so isn’t spare. And the other belongs to He-Man dolls (you think I’m kidding, but I really amn’t) so I guess I don’t have a spare room at the moment, but when I do I want it to be an art studio/crafty-type place. I don’t really draw or paint at the moment, but I want to. I have started knitting again which is sorta cool, but not as great as drawing.

    • Let me just say that I love you for three new reasons today. One, pegasii. Two, a room full of He-Man dolls, which is so 40-Year-Old Virgin of you (or more likely himself) and three, YARN! I’ve been contemplating crocheting another afghan soon. It’s a great project for winter, something to do while watching TV. Also, crocheting critters is great fun; I like to make them up. It’s interesting that you mentioned knitting today because yesterday I clicked on one of your projects for ravel-something (can’t remember-ravelry?) and had to sign up in order to see it and was having a computer issue with signing in and so never did. I’ll try again today so I can see your stuff.

  4. Frokaloke

    I just read your reply this morning… and that’s good timing for me as I head into what looks to be another day in the mud. Thanks for the encouragement. It is like a sunny blue oasis (mixing my metaphors! but you know what I’m saying) Sometimes I look at these troubles as the very thing that push me towards being who and need to be, and out of that doing what I need to do. I think of America’s Most Wanted… never watched it much, but know that so many people were helped because one man responded like he did to his tragic loss.
    “Living Above the Clouds” — wonder if there is a book called that already. It seems so many good names are taken.
    Thanks, dear one! Sunshine and well-being to you in every way!

    • Fro, your book idea is magic and I think it could be of immense help to tons of people who are living with and/or otherwise affected by depressed loved ones. I’m sorry you have to deal with it so often and so deeply but there IS a meaning to it, and maybe this book is part of it! It occurred to me as I was reading your comment that maybe there’s a support group you could visit to hear the questions and challenges that people have; you could conduct interviews, etc, to get a rounded balanced view so your book has more breadth than could come from just your own experience. However, that said, your own experience, in all its uniqueness, has enough richness to help people–you don’t need to take the scholarly approach. Either way, I love the idea! All kinds of sunshine and well-being to you too, love. xo

  5. I love love love this whole “TMI”. Dang but you’re a fantastic writer and I enjoyed every word because it’s just so you. The perfect you that you are. Thanks for sharing you.

    • Hello Baine! I’ve been thinking about you! I hope you’re peachy. Thank you for what you said–you’ve always been one of my most encouraging people and I appreciate you with all my heart. Love you, friend. xoxo

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