Guten tag, liebchens! This waking up at 7:30 a.m. business is for the birds, but even the birds are up earlier and this makes me jealous. I love waking up in the wees, preferably around 4 or 4:30, because then I have time to do all my quiet stuff and still have the entire day ahead of me. Now it’s after 10 a.m. and that just sucks. I’m still not feeling well. I haven’t really been feeling well for awhile, so am wondering if there might be something a little more serious going on than lactose intolerance or really bad PMS. But without insurance, it’s too spendy to go to the doctor and honestly, what if she did find something wrong? It would only mean spending more of this imaginary money that we don’t have. So I figure that if there’s something seriously wrong, I’ll just die like people have done since the dawn of man, and no big deal. This is the way my mind runs, and also, we need a better healthcare system, okay?
I’m really not lying around thinking about death, in case you were wondering. It’s just a thing. What I’m thinking about more right now is what I’m going to eat for breakfast because I’m getting really hungry. I’m also thinking awesome (to me, anyway!) spiritual thoughts and about Stephen King’s new book Under the Dome, which I got from the library yesterday, and which is about a million pages long and easily the heaviest book I’ve ever hefted in my hands apart from the dictionary my parents gave me for Christmas twenty-five years ago. I started it yesterday and so far it’s pretty good. I’m also thinking about school…. I’m always thinking about school. sigh.
My kids were all here last night and that just makes me really happy. It was just me and the three of them sitting in the living room, talking about this and that, and joking, and it hit me in the middle of it all that I’m really grateful to have them here at the same time, together. They’re all adults, making roads into their own lives, yet they continue to invite me in. They’re my friends! I feel wittle tears gathering in my throat as I write that. Aw. (I’m belittling my feelings so you won’t see how deeply that truly affects me, FYI.) The thing that makes me happiest is that – while I’m sure they don’t tell me everything – they do seem to feel free to be themselves when they’re here, and I’m feeling freer to be myself with them. I no longer feel the need to be their moral judge, jury, and executioner… they can feel or express whatever they want and get no condemnation from me, and boy does that take the pressure off everyone. Also, Jesse makes the best drinks. He’s going to make gin and tonics tonight, I think.
The longer I wait to eat, the less inclined I am to actually make something, which is a problem because I don’t think we have anything I can just pour into a bowl or warm in the microwave. Dang. One of my prevailing fantasies is to have a food simulator, or whatever those things were that Capt. Picard used to order his tea, Earl Grey, hot. Gah, I feel rambly today, like I’m full of posts, but nothing that anybody really wants to hear. Trust me.
New post at Hedonistic Mystic. And with that, I shall leave you. Love!
The 133. Crowd 